Running a free appliance repair website, I get many questions that come up over and over again. To cut down on the amount of time I spend answering redundant questions, I’ve prepared this list of Frequently Asked Questions, which will be updated as conditions warrant.
Q. My washer takes forever to fill up. What gives?
A. You need to replace the fill valve.
Q. What can you tell me about a Montgomery Ward Refrigerator?
A. Nothing I haven’t already told this guy.
Q. My range is flashing an F-something. How can I find out what it means?
A. All is revealed here, my child.
Q. Why should I give money to your beer fund instead of some white supremist group or the Hare Krishnas?
A. Because we need the money more than either of the two aforementioned groups and we have better taste in beer.
Q. What’s the longest time you’ve been sober?
A. Define “sober.”
Q. My fridge is getting warm, what should I do?
A. Check out these things and get back to me.
Q. I heard that you lick the urinals at the Texaco.
A. That’s not a question.
Q. Oh, sorry. Are you still licking the urinals at the Texaco?
A. No, I’m at the Amoco now.
Q. Do you repair toasters?
A. Absolutely! Lots of information here that may help you.
Q. Which is worse: beastiality or pedophilia?
A. Umm, let’s ask the Ayatollah.
Q. What’s your problem, Dude?
A. They think it’s congenital and probably contagious, maybe even by just reading this. You see, once upon a time, there were three eyeballs walking…
Q. What do you think of animal rights?
A. I think all animals have the right to get in my belly.
Q. What type of icemaker do I have?
A. I dunno, you tell me.
Q. Have they taken out the catheter yet?
A. Not yet. Just one more year to go!
Q. What do the doctors say about your condition?
A. They say to avoid answering tedious questions like this one.
Q. My microwave door is stuck, how can I get it open?
A. This page has full disassembly procedures.
Q. How can I use aroma therapy to diagnose my refrigerator?
A. I still haven’t figured that one out. But a good place to start looking is right here.