Obituary: Common Sense. Died 24/7/1960 in America’s Heart, USA

by Samurai Appliance Repair Man on January 17, 2005

in Gubmint

Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend by the name of
Common Sense who has been with us for many years. No one knows for
sure how old he was since his birth records were long ago lost in
bureaucratic red tape. He will be remembered as having cultivated such
value lessons as knowing when to come in out of the rain, why the
early bird gets the worm and that life isn’t always fair.

Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don’t
spend more than you earn) and reliable parenting strategies (adults,
not kids, are in charge). His health began to rapidly deteriorate when
well intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place.

Reports of a six-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for
kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash
after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student,
only worsened his condition. It declined even further when schools
were required to get parental consent to administer aspirin to a
student; however they could not inform the parents when a student
became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.

Finally, Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten
Commandments became contraband; churches became businesses; and
criminals received better treatment than their victims.

Common Sense finally gave up the ghost after a woman failed to
realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot, she spilled a bit in
her lap, and was awarded a huge settlement.

Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and
Trust; his wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his
son, Reason.

He is survived by two stepbrothers; My Rights and Ima Whiner.

Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was

Thanks to Matushka Galina Tregubov for passing this along.

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