Category Archives: Karaoke Lounge

Goofy and humorous bits with little or no bearing on appliance repair. Thank God!

Mailbag: Love Letter to the Samurai

Mary Miller wrote:

Can’t tell you how you have saved me from a stroke. My dishwasher is a kenmore and a pain, but you have helped me fix it without getting raped by Sears again. I am so thankful for your wonderful website. You REALLY know whats up…even though you probably voted for Bush…I love you anyway…thanks again


Message sent from IP:

I feel the love, yo!

So you love me then kick me out of bed by telling me I voted for Bush. Oy, I feel used! The only thing I can say is this.

And I’ve written previously about the Sears jailhouse rape.

Mailbag: Exiled from Paradise

Psmith wrote:

Superb website, found while looking for pix of my favorite place, Franconia Ridge. Sadly I now live in Texas. But someday I’ll make it back to God’s Own NH…

I will pass this website to many dear friends.
And I will continue to search for my Holy Grail, a source for Blind Faith in Houston………….

Hike On!


Message sent from IP:

I shudder to think what you must have done to be cast out of Paradise and flung down into the Abyss! While working out your penance in Hell, here are some other glimpses of the Franconia Paradise to keep you focused on your goal of coming back up here to God’s Country. Yeah, incentives are important… learned that in rehab.

Franconia Ridge, October 2004

Franconia Ridge, May 2004

Franconia Ridge, March 2003

And lots more pictures of God’s Country in my hillstomping photo albums.

Voices Inside My Head

As many of my faithful grasshoppers know, the Samurai has been developing an appliance that reads thoughts and converts them into audible sound. The appliance is called a Mental Sensory Transducer and is based on the work of Ingo Swann, the pioneer of Remote Viewing. Now, for the first time, we can directly listen to someone’s thoughts as they occur.

I’ve just completed the first round of prototype tests and the initial results are very promising indeed! Here is a recording I made using the Mental Sensory Transducer of my thoughts while on an appliance repair service call. Let’s listen:

this is an audio post - click to play

All of us here at Samurai Labs International are very excited about the possibilities for this new appliance to promote World Peace. I expect that very soon the CIA will be contacting me to develop several production models for them–imagine what a powerful weapon this will be in the war against terrorism! Soon, I’ll be cashing out of this appliance repair rat-race and riding that golden parachute to Easy Street. See you on Hollywood Squares!

Now Hear This

The Samurai finally gets hip with the MP3 player revolution. I’ve been wanting to get an MP3 player so I could download and listen to two of my favorite radio shows: Coast to Coast AM and the Phil Hendrie Show. As an online subscriber to both of these shows, I get access to both streamed and MP3 archives of the shows. I used to listen to the streams but got tired of being stuck to the computer if I wanted to hear the shows. The solution: an MP3 player.

Rio Cali Sport:  the Samurai's MP3 playerAfter much hand-wringing over which player to buy and one false start, I ended up buying the Rio Cali. The first player I bought was an Apple iPod. Several things annoyed me about it: the LooneyTunes software did not mesh with my brain, the rechargeable battery drained quickly, it was heavy, expensive ($250), and that damn menu wheel drove me insane. I returned it. I had given up on the whole MP3 player thing when I happened to see the Rio Cali Sport in a Radio Shack at the mall in Concord. It was everything the iPod wasn’t: intuitive to use, lightweight, runs for 18 hours on a single AAA battery (even longer if you use rechargeable NiMH batteries), and over $100 less than the iPod (you can buy ’em for $110 at Amazon). It even has an FM tuner which I use in conjunction with my Sirius satellite radio rig in my van–more about that later. It comes with 256 MB of flash memory which, for my use, is usually more than enough. You can buy an SD card and double the memory for about $25.

The Rio has turned out to be the perfect solution and has even opened up a whole new world of online radio shows to me. If you have an MP3 player and you’re looking for talk radio content to add, here are some sources I’ve been enjoying:

  • Bush/Kerry in '04:  heads they win, tails we lose.The Harry Browne Radio Shows: Harry Browne, a past Libertarian presidential candidate (for whom I voted in the last presidential election), does two excellent radio shows: one is about libertarian philosophy and issues and the other is about investment advice. Both are great listening.
  • The Weekend Interview Show with Scott Horton: A libertarian talk show featuring thought-provoking interviews with prominent libertarians, classical liberals, and traditional conservatives.
  • Ludwig von Mises Media Archives: This is the motherlode of libertarian and free-market teaching. A vast collection of scholarly treatises on all sorts of topics from a free-market, libertarian perspective.
  • WebTalk Radio Show with Rob and Dana Greenlee: An informative and entertaining show about the bleeding edge of the web’s technological evolution.

  • Holy Cross Antiochian Orthodox Church Music Ministry
    : A great collection of some beautiful Orthodox Christian music. I love Byzantine chant and this is the only music I have loaded on my Rio.

Most people probably get an MP3 player to listen to music and the software that comes bundled with ’em is definitely geared toward that. But setting up and maintaining your music library on an MP3 player is a tedious and colossal waste of time, something of which I’m always in short supply. The last thing I wanted to do was eat up more precious time dinking around with music files. I use my Rio to listen to radio shows and lectures. For music, I use Sirius satellite radio. I figure it’s worth a meager $12 a month to have professional DJs put together a great line up of rock n’ roll music for me. (You can get a complete Sirius radio channel guide in pdf format here.) If you’re unfamiliar with satellite radio, check out these articles in the
Crutchfield Advisor
and Wired News for some good background information.

So, I’m sitting here at my computer after midnight, writing this post and jamming on one of the 17 rock channels on Sirius–commercial free! If a song comes on that sucks, I just flip to one of the other channels where, inevitably, I find a song I like and then I go back to pecking on the keyboard. Sometimes this keeps me going until the sun comes up.

But the other cool thing about Sirius is that I have a great selection of news and music, with perfect reception, for those long commutes to the White Mountains. For example, from my home in New London, New Hampshire, it takes two and a half hours to drive to the Wildcat Trailhead on Route 16, south of Gorham. Driving to the Mahoosuc Range in the North Country is at least a three hour drive. Flipping around on Sirius makes the trip seem shorter.

Ah, Classic Vinyl just started playing BTO’s Let It Ride. I’m gonna grab a brewski and kick back a while. Later.

The Last Kosher Samurai

Once upon a time a powerful Emperor of the Rising Sun
advertised for a new Chief Samurai. After a year, only three
applied for the job: a Japanese, a Chinese, and a Jewish Samurai.

“Demonstrate your skills!” commanded the Emperor.

The Japanese samurai stepped forward, opened a tiny box
and released a fly. He drew his samurai sword and


the fly fell to the floor, neatly divided in two!

“What a feat!” said the Emperor. “Number Two Samurai,
show me what you do.”

The Chinese samurai smiled confidently, stepped forward
and opened a tiny box, releasing a fly. He drew his samurai
sword and
* Swish! *
* Swish! *
The fly fell to the floor neatly quartered.

“Excellent!” nodded the Emperor. “How are you going to top
that, Number Three Samurai?”

Number Three Samurai, Obi-wan Cohen, stepped forward,
opened a tiny box releasing one fly, drew his samurai sword
flourished his sword so mightily that a gust of wind blew
through the room.

But the fly was still buzzing around!

In disappointment, the Emperor said, “What kind of skill is
that? The fly isn’t even dead.”

“Dead, schmed,” replied the Jewish Samurai. “Dead is easy. Circumcision: now THAT takes skill!”

Stress Management Technique

Just in case you’ve had a rough day, here is a step-by-step stress
management technique recommended in the latest psychological texts. After a rough day of appliance service calls, this is one of the Samurai’s favorite stress-management exercises.

1] Picture yourself near a stream.

2] Birds are chirping softly in the cool mountain air.

3] No one but you knows your secret place. No one.

4] You are in total seclusion from that hectic place called “the

5] The water in the stream is crystal clear.

6] You can easily make out the face of the person you’re holding

7] See! You’re smiling already!

What a relief, huh?

Appliance Wisdom from On High

Samurai Appliance Repair Man wants you to know that even though he spends as much time in the White Mountains as Mrs. Samurai will permit, he’s always thinking of his devoted grasshoppers. Why, here he is at the summit of Mt. Tom on his cell phone, counselling a grasshopper on the fine art of repairing a Scrotum Scrubber 2000.

So, if you need help getting started fixing your appliance or finding information here at the colossus of appliance repair help, the Samurai is at your beck and call on the Toll-free Appliance Repair Hotline.

Samurai Appliance Repair Man at your beck and call.
Samurai Appliance Repair Man
A beacon of hope in your time of appliance despair.

Appliantopia: The Prophecy of the Man-Machine

CharlieChan wrote:

Man, do I owe you a six-pack!!!!Your web site saved me at least $75.00. I had a venting problem(you were right) and when disconnected, the dryer worked fine. After about 30 mins of swearing and shortening the flex vent,IT STILL DIDN’T WORK!!!!!!!!!!
and shut off after 30 secs. Anyways, I did more investigating and found that the exterior stucco idiots had stuccoed the vent door closed and once this was chiseled out, the dryer is working fine.
Thanks for giving me a place to start troubleshooting from. Let your readers know that when purchasing a new home, to make sure the trap door is working on the vent.

Thanks Samurai Master

The above message was sent when you were offline, via your LivePerson site.

Message sent from IP:

Ah, grasshopper, although the Samurai is honored by your accolades, it is you who deserves the laurel of victory. It is your own persistence that ultimately led to the discovery of the problem with your dryer vent. I merely provided you with a weapon of knowledge, but it was you who applied this knowledge and thus converted it into true appliance wisdom. I have helped other grasshoppers who battled dryer venting demons in their new house. If all my grasshoppers would evince the same fighting spirit as you have, we could eradicate appliance disease from the face of the earth and usher in the era of total union of man and appliance foretold in the Appliantopia Prophecy.

Latest News About Moostafa



Appliance Repair Forum Guru Mistakenly Targeted in Afghan Raid

By Kujira Kikuchio

Samurai News Network International Editor

July 18, 2004

Moostafa HakkahallahKABUL, AFGHANISTAN. In an apparent case of mistaken identity, American B-17 bombers obliterated the tent compound of appliance repair forum superstar, Moostafa Hakkahallah in a pre-dawn bombing raid. Moostafa’s humble tent compound, located in the middle of the Afghani desert, was mistaken for a Taliban terrorist training camp and bombed to rubble.

Oops!Moostafa and all four of his wives and 17 children were out foraging for camel cakes in the desert at the time of the bombing and so were spared certain death. However, Moostafa’s entire dwelling was destroyed. Among the more devastating property losses were several head of valuable livestock, including four choice camels and their prize-winning yak stud, all of which were killed in the raid.

Moostafa’s world-famous appliance repair forum has helped literally billions and billions of people all over the world repair their own appliances. Millions of letters of outrage from loyal Moostafa fans have been flooding the super-secret CIA field office in Kabul. The CIA has issued an official statement saying that “We don’t know our anal wells from oil wells, much less friendly targets from hostile ones, so we can’t possibly be held responsible for this screw-up, or anything else for that matter. Uhh…is that thing on? It is? Oh sh*t!”

Prior to the errant raid, Moostafa connected to the internet using an iMac powered by an innovative camel dung and lime juice battery, all of which were destroyed in the raid. Moostafa has reportedly made arrangements with his long-time friend and associate, Samurai Appliance Repair Man, to take over the world-famous appliance repair forum until he can re-establish his homestead and internet connection. Until then, Moostafa will only be able to get online sporadically, typically during his briefings at the CIA’s Kabul field office.

Samurai Appliance Repair Man, who was contacted via his Toll-free Appliance Repair Hotline, stated that, “The entire staff here at Samurai Appliance Repair Man laments this unfortunate event. Moostafa has been a close personal friend of mine for over 40 years and I just thank God that Moostafa and all his wonderful family escaped bodily harm. We are honored to carry on with Moostafa’s excellent work in his appliance repair forum and look forward to his participation as circumstances allow. He can rest assured that his good name will be protected and we will give his forum priority attention. We have, however, taken the liberty of transforming the forum into something more appropriate to our idiom: The Appliantology Group.” Moostafa was unavailable for comment at press time.

Staff writers contributed to this report.


Autographed Picture of Samurai Appliance Repair Man

samurai appliance repair man preparing to punish an insolent applianceLike crimson rays extending from the rising sun, the Samurai’s glory shines all over the globe. Lately, the Samurai was nearly flooded by hundreds of thousands of emails from every country on the planet asking, nay, begging for an autographed picture of the Samurai practicing his appliance repair martial art. Fortunately, a global internet email glitch prevented any of those requests from being delivered; however, since the Samurai is omniscient (and he knows it), he was aware of their incipient arrival.

As always, the Samurai indulges his devoted Grasshoppers. Here is a genuine photo of yours so very truly in action, preparing to deal harshly with an insolent appliance that has dishonored me. Note that I have personally autographed each photo. Go ahead and take one. They’re free just like the copious pearls of appliance repair wisdom here at The Samurai School of Appliantology.