Appliance Repair Wisdom for the Ages

Saturday, March 22, 2003

Hey. How y'all doin'? You've probably had your eyeballs glued on Fox News watching the fireworks show in that sandbox over there in the middle east. Yeah, me too. Every now and then, I'll change to another channel where they're giving free publicity to the beautiful people protesting the war.

I also oppose this war. But not because of the empty and tired cliches being thrown about by the bed-wetting, hippie-wannabe crowd: America is bad, no blood for oil, American colonialism, blah blah blah. Anyone with a half a brain knows that's a bunch of America-hating rhetoric sponsored by the Socialist Worker's Party and their ilk.

I oppose this war because I don't think we need to expend American blood and treasure on a middle eastern dirt patch. Free the people of Iraq? Who cares? Dictator-schmictator--let 'em have their own revolutionary war like everyone else. Why do we need to play Globocop?

I know, I know, Da Man tells me this war is about protecting America from terrorism. But I just don't see how bombing Iraq makes us any safer from terrorism. If anti-terrorism is the real motive, then the most effective response is to get a grip on immigration and secure the borders. The INS and Border Patrol are jokes. The Mexican border is a border in name only and has well-travelled roads where all sorts of illegals, including terrorists, freely come and go. Would it be expensive to secure the long borders with Canada and Mexico? You bet! But you can also bet that it'd be a lot less expensive than lobbing 1,000+ Tomahawk missiles at $1.4 million each, deploying five carrier battle groups, and over 200,000 troops with all their hardware half way around the globe.

As I watch these "anti-war" demonstrations, the puke-ins, the ignorant cliches bantered about by the pseudo-intelligentsia, I just wonder: where were all these enlightened paragons of virtue when the Clintonistas bombed Kosovo? (Remember Kosovo?) Aren't these just sad, lonely people with empty lives and empty heads clamoring for a "cause" to make them feel morally superior? So all these beautiful people come together to feel good for 15 minutes and bash America. Do you think they really care about war? Or do they really just care about how they feel? If they were truly anti-war activists, wouldn't we have seen this same freak show during the bombing of Kosovo? Remember Kosovo.

But there is a bright spot to these "anti-war" protests. As the protestors continue their feel-good, ego-stroking theater, they suck away police resources that would otherwise be used to ensure their own safety from terrorist attacks and so increase the likelihood of an attack in the very place they are protesting. In fact, one of those "I Hate America" parades would make ideal cover for a terrorist attack. Ahh, such delicious irony if a terrorist were to blow himself up with a backpack nuke right in the midst of one of these protest crowds! Yes, the sword of Islam just may be their salvation. I need to stop for a moment, I'm tingling with excitement...

Ok, I'm back. I feel better now.

Anyway, the bombs are falling now and all the sign-waving in the world ain't gonna stop it. Regardless of how we feel about the war, it's time to be Americans and close ranks. Let us pray for a speedy end to the conflict and that our guys come home quickly and safely to their families. Amen.

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