Appliance Repair Wisdom for the Ages

Sunday, April 06, 2003

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As many of you know, I do occasional free-lance work for the CIA. Sometime ago, the CIA requested that I do an assignment in Baghdad. I have decided to do my patriotic duty and serve my country by accepting this assignment. I boarded a chartered CIA jet a few days ago and flew directly to Baghdad International Airport.

My assignment had two phases. Phase I was posing as a journalist and conducting a Trojan horse interview with Saddam Hussein. Phase I complete. Phase II was gathering signal intelligence on the Fedayeen Saddam paramilitary units operating in Baghdad. Report on Phase II follows.

I'm here on the streets of Baghdad, Iraq. Skirmishes between various Iraqi fighters and American troops have been erupting throughout the day. The chatter of automatic weapons fire is often punctuated with the blood-curdling battle cry of the dreaded Fedayeen Saddam troops. It is said that no one who hears this fearsome battle cry ever lives to describe it. Using state-of-the-art electromagnetic audio imprinting techniques, I was able make this exclusive recording of the Fedayeen battle cry during live combat. Let's listen:

audblog audio post, click to listen

Scary stuff, yes, but isn't freedom worth it? This unique recording will enable our troops to distinguish the nefarious Fedayeen from other Iraqis, saving countless Iraqi and American lives. Mission accomplished. By the way, this information is highly classified--if you tell anyone about this, I will deny it.

I'm off to meet the Navy SEAL extraction team who will escort me to CENTCOM for a debriefing. If you don't hear from me for several days, assume the worst.

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