If you really like percolated coffee, take this opportunity to “recycle” your broken, plug-in percolator and get a spiffy, stainless steel, stovetop percolator. Works with gas or electric stoves and you can even take it camping!

When I’m not swilling a cold, frosty brewski, I’m slurping a mug of hot Green Mountain Breakfast Blend coffee, perfectly brewed in my Nissan coffee press. The coffee press brewing method is vastly superior to the percolating technique because there is no risk of scalding the brew causing undesirable oxidation of the fats which give properly brewed coffee its nose-tickling aroma and buttery texture. Try it once and you’ll never go back to percolated coffee.

My dear, dear friend, Moostafa, extends his warmest wishes for a Happy Thanksgiving from Moostafa’s Mecca of Appliance Repair to all of us here at The Samurai School of Appliantology and The Appliantology Group.

Hello, my Ameedican friends. May you and your family eid your fill of bakrad turkey this Thanksgiving.

Moostafa

The rare and beautiful Cacapee bird once flourished throughout all New England. The name, Cacapee, is an Iroquois word meaning, “beautiful feathers.” Its long, brightly colored tail plume was highly prized for fashionable head wear. The wing feathers of the Cacapee were commonly used as “tonsil ticklers” in the vomitoriums which were hubs of social activity in New England during the Colonial period. Because of these popular uses of its feathers, the Cacapee bird was hunted to near-extinction. In fact, this exquisite bird was thought to be extinct…until now.

During one of his recent bird-watching missions, the Samurai documented the existence of one of the last remaining Cacapee birds on the entire planet. The bird was spotted in a forest abutting Lake Sunapee, near the Samurai’s home town of New London, New Hampshire. Unfortunately, the camera was damaged in a shower mishap, so no image is available. However, the audio recording survived. Here, now, is the only recording in existence of the Cacapee bird’s mating call (patent-pending, all rights reserved, void where prohibited). Let’s listen:

The CIA has once again requested the help of the Samurai–this time to interpret an anomalous signal originating from Mars. I heterodyned the signal with a low frequency beat harmonic and was able to step it down into the audible range of human hearing. Since it has been recently de-classified, I am now at liberty to share it with all of you. It’s pretty shocking so I recommend that you sit down before listening. DISCLAIMER: If you have a heart condition or hemorrhoids, please consult a physician before listening. The Samurai shall not be held liable for any unforseen side effects that result from listening to this authentic recording. All other unconditional disclaimers listed here apply, as well. You have been warned.

audio post powered by audblog

As many of you know, the Samurai despises flying on commercial airlines. It’s not fear, just good old-fashioned loathing. That basic sentiment notwithstanding, I wouldn’t mind being a passenger on this flight.

Couple of catchy tunes for you to feast your weary ears on. Check out the funky, new Mr. Appliance jingle, it’s about a minute long but it’s the best minute you’ll ever spend listening to a jingle. Don’t have a minute? Ok, here’s a short little ditty about Super Sugar Crisp.

audblog audio post

Sidney is obviously the tragic product of yet another trailer-park momma drinking way too much malt liquor while pregnant.

Did you know that in the United States alone, literally billions of babies are born each second with Fetal Alcohol Syndrome? There is just no excuse for this type of child abuse to continue in the wealthiest nation on earth!

Even if I were able to somehow divine the information Sidney needed, it is very doubtful he would know how to apply that information. Let’s look at the signs of Fetal Alcohol syndrome so painfully evident in poor Sidney’s email:

• he omits any reference to the type or brand of appliance he’s working on,
• he writes in ALL CAPS,
• he is unable to use any kind of punctuation when writing his thoughts.

Folks, you know the Samurai loves beer as much as anyone, but listen to me now, believe me later and hear me next week: don’t drink and gestate!