Appliance Repair Wisdom for the Ages

Friday, August 30, 2002

Live Help Update

I'll be online most of the evening. I'm writing an Appliance Tip of the Day about the new GE IM6 icemaker, which I hope to post later tonight. I know, you wish you were me. Well, my leetle Grasshopper, if you take enough of the right medication, maybe one day you'll measure up to me. Giddy up.  

Samurai Appliance Repair Man cast these pearls at 19:11 ET.  [permalink]

0 comments. Dare ye add yours?

Thursday, August 29, 2002

Live Help Update

It's a cold rainy pre-Fall day here in New Hampster so I'm at the 'pooter doing web-work. I'm online now. But scroll down a little and read the user update entry before ringing me for live help.  

Samurai Appliance Repair Man cast these pearls at 14:37 ET.  [permalink]

0 comments. Dare ye add yours?

Fixitnow.com User Update

I get a lot of emails from folks wondering what it's like to run the web's most kickass appliance repair website. So, to help give you an idea of what I deal with, I did an analysis of my users and discovered that 93% of them are either:

• AOL users clicking the live help button and then not saying anything because, duh hee,   they've got AOL;
• the Great Unwashed Illiterati who can't compose simple sentences much less read the information in the Appliance Repair Help Center that already has the answers they seek;
• boneheads who don't know that it is rude and obnoxious to write any internet correspondence, and especially chat, with the CAPS LOCK ON;
• noodges who keep ringing me up for live help even though I've already told them to post their problem in the forum--but they ring back anyway, as though I owe it to them...or maybe they're hoping to get a different person; 
• grubby Lower Slabovians who successfully repair their appliance with the help of this website, including live help and the forum, yet refuse to even buy me a beer through the United Samurai Beer Fund;

But not to give the goobers all the spotlight, here are examples of the other 7% who shine brightly among the heaving, drooling masses:

• MomWhoHatesColdBeer fixed her refrigerator with just a nudge in the right direction;
• I helped the Jeep Dude fix his oven and he bought me a brewski.

And there are others, they're just a lot harder to find. But I think you get the idea...some of you do, anyway.

Samurai Appliance Repair Man cast these pearls at 13:46 ET.  [permalink]

0 comments. Dare ye add yours?

Wednesday, August 28, 2002

Fun Facts to Know and Tell

• We've just completed an exhaustive five-minute demographic study of our users here at Fixitnow.com and discovered that 91.7% of them live in trailers located under power lines. Now, from California, there's some credible research linking electric power lines to brain damage. That explains a lot about our users.
• You know that slimy scum growing in your refrigerator and shower stall that you've been putting off cleaning for that past three and half years? Well, good news: don't bother. Soon, you'll be using it to power your home.

Samurai Appliance Repair Man cast these pearls at 21:30 ET.  [permalink]

0 comments. Dare ye add yours?

Tuesday, August 27, 2002

Appliance Tip of the Day: Sudsing out of Your Washer Drain Stand Pipe

Dammit! It happened again: you ran a load of wash and came back to find detergent suds all over the floor. What a frikkin' mess! At first, you might suspect the washer as the culprit. But you'd probably be wrong. Oh, I know what you're saying, "But I saw the suds pooled up on the floor right underneath the washer! I was there, you weren't and, besides, I use my washer everyday so I know it better than you!" Ok, you're starting to annoy me now. Press your lips firmly together for a couple minutes and you just might learn something.

Most likely what you're dealing with here is detergent suds backing up in your washer's drain stand pipe and running down all over the floor. Here are four simple things to do to prevent this problem from happening again:

• Make sure that your washer stand pipe is at least 36" tall, measured from the floor to the pipe opening.


• Verify your drain pipe is clear of gookus and drains properly. A plumber's snake is the essential tool for this highly cerebral operation. It's important to remember that while a slow drain may pass clear water normally, detergent-laden water will not flow as freely and any restrictions in the pipe will cause the water to foam up even more, exacerbating the problem. If you've cleared the drain with the snake as far as it will go, but there still seems to be an obstruction further down in the drain, try using some Biodegreat®--it works great!


• Stop using cheesy detergents that you bought by the case at Sam's Club. Tide, Arm n' Hammer, Shur Fine...doesn't matter, they're all crap, my penny-wise Grasshopper. Start using good quality detergents and you'll not only eliminate this problem, but you'll save money, too. Also, check your water hardness and adjust your detergent usage accordingly.


• Install a Sudsbuster (stand pipe adapter).

Ok, you have your assignment, now get to work.

Samurai Appliance Repair Man cast these pearls at 13:44 ET.  [permalink]

0 comments. Dare ye add yours?

Monday, August 26, 2002

Mr. Appliance Fixit Boyz Hillstomp Update

Just to rub it in to you guys who backed out, here's the itinerary for the Mr. Appliance Fixit Boyz Hillstomp in September. See you back at the coal mines.

Day 1: Friday, September 6

Everyone arrives at Brown Compound sometime in the afternoon. We'll go through gear, make last-minute runs for supplies, as needed, and then adjourn to the Flying Goose Brew Pub for 16 oz. wrist curls where we'll review the route and carbo-load for tomorrow's hike. We won't be out too late because we have to make an early start in the morning. Spacious overnight accommodations in the luxurious Jayco Hilton.

Day 2: Saturday, September 7

We'll leave Brown Compound around 0700 hours in two vehicles: Fishnutz' rental and Mr. Grant's Pickem Up truck. First stop is Wildberry Bagel Shop for morning eats and bean juice then off to the Whites. I wanted to do the AMC shuttles so we could all travel in one vehicle, but their shuttle schedule is not compatible with our route plan...or anyone else's that I could tell. We'll drive straight through Franconia Notch to Crawford Notch where we'll park Mr. Grant's Pickem Up truck at the AT trail head--our hiking route destination. Then we'll double back to Franconia Notch to the Old Bridal Path trailhead parking lot, our beginning point. We should be on the trail at about 1000 hours for 12 miles of the meanest, nastiest, orneriest trail that mankind has ever had the misfortune to set boots on along the Franconia Ridge. We'll arrive at the Galehead hut right about sundown, bedraggled, beaten down, limping, bleeding, and gasping for air. BOOYAH, now we be having fun, yo! After a hot dinner at the hut, we'll commence massive consumption of pain-relieving fermented beverages while re-playing the three 4,000 footer peaks we bagged (Mts. Lafayette, Garfield, and Galehead) and the spectacular section of the Franconia Ridge we traipsed. We'll pass out on a bare bunk mattress at about 2100 hours wondering if it's really possible that life could be any better than this.

Day 3: Sunday, September 8

We'll wake up to strumming guitar music, gorge on sausages and pancakes and be on the trail at 0900 hours. During this section of the hike, we'll bag five 4,000 footers: South Twin Mountain, Mts. Guyot, West Bond, Bond, and Bondcliff. We'll arrive at Zealand hut sometime before midnight, hopefully still carrying most of our gear. And there was much rejoicing.

Day 4: Monday, September 9

Today, we hike out. Depending on how everyone is feeling, we can either be he-men and bag a couple more peaks or we can be little girly-men and take the wussy way out. Y'all already KNOW what I want to do so call the ball. We'll get back to Mr. Grant's Pickem Up truck and do that shuttle thang, waa-waa-waa, all the back to the renta-beater on the other side of the range. Then we adjourn to the Flying Goose Brew Pub for a post-hike debriefing. Accommodations again at the luxurious Jayco Hilton. Tuesday morning the Third Annual Fixit Boyz Hillstomp officially adjourns until next year...in ALASKA!

Samurai Appliance Repair Man cast these pearls at 00:03 ET.  [permalink]

0 comments. Dare ye add yours?

Sunday, August 25, 2002

Samurai-Cam® Live Update

Here is the artistic interpretation of a live Samurai-Cam® shot recorded earlier today showing the Samurai valiantly helping himself at a convenience store. Click the thumbnail for the full-size view.

Artist: Ivey Brown

Samurai Appliance Repair Man cast these pearls at 22:39 ET.  [permalink]

0 comments. Dare ye add yours?

Saturday, August 24, 2002

Live Help Update

Saturday nights are usually pretty slow at the website what with most of my users out getting drunk and thrown in jail and all. That also makes it a pretty safe time to be online for Live Help this evening.

Stuck at home on a Saturday night? Bored, nothing good on TV and you're looking for something fun to do? Well, here y'go, Hoss, just click the purple Pass It On button below to tell a friend or four about this website. It's guaranteed to be moments of pure, belly-ticklin' fun!  

Samurai Appliance Repair Man cast these pearls at 15:43 ET.  [permalink]

0 comments. Dare ye add yours?

Appliance Tip of the Day: Preventing Washer Floods

You put a load of dirty clothes in your washer, start it up and walk away to watch Jerry Springer just like you have a thousand times before. Only this time, something goes wrong...very wrong!

After the booing and cheering on the Jerry Springer show stops, you hear an unfamiliar sound of running water coming from the laundry cubby just down the hall in your trailer. You set the bag of Doritos aside, grab your can of Old Milwaukee and grunt your way out of your Lazy Boy as you exhale the last drag of your Marlboro and shuffle down the hall to investigate. You don't get 10 steps before your pink bunny slippers are sloshing through a huge pool of water. Now the bile starts burning the back of your throat and you feel your sphincter dilate as you prepare to do battle with the single greatest horror of your lifetime: a washer flood out.

Yes, it finally happened: your washer dutifully filled with water and then...it just kept right on filling, and filling, and filling... Turns out that the water level control switch in your washer decided to take a permanent vacation and so never told your washer to stop filling with water. Hi. Welcome to my world. Oh! But if only you'd listened to that nice appliance repair guy not long ago who told you that you really, really needed to have a Floodcontrol on your washer and that it was cheap insurance against a devastating washer overfill. But that money was earmarked for that Dish TV you've been lusting after for so long and, besides, you're not sure you trust people who can throw around fancy words like "devastating." Damn straight! Well, Bubba, now you've got one helluva mess to clean up in your trailer, ain't ya? Hey, newsflash: do yourself a favor and come git you some o' dis.

And while you're at it, go ahead and upgrade those cheesy 12-year old rubber fill hoses on your washer to the steel braided hoses. What, you're gonna wait for those to burst and find water spraying out from behind your washer like a firehose on that '71 Cutlass you got parked out front? Haven't we learned our lesson by now? How long? How long? I say, how long must this bullshit go on? How 'bout when we do a job, we go ahead and do it right? Ok then, come git you some steel braided hoses, too.

Samurai Appliance Repair Man cast these pearls at 01:15 ET.  [permalink]

0 comments. Dare ye add yours?

Friday, August 23, 2002

Live Help Update

So, I'm getting my hiking gear together this morning for another self-torture session in the White Mountains to break in my new hiking boots when I noticed Ouzo, my canine hiking bud, was standing by my van with one eye swollen almost completely shut and one side of his mouth puffed out like he was holding a ping pong ball. Apparently, he stumbled onto a yellow jacket's nest while foraging for those savory feline droppings so highly prized among dogs of superior breeding and refined taste.

A trip to the vet and a shot of cortisone later and it was too late in the day to head to the White Mountains. But my loss is your gain since I'll be staying here today, off and on of Live Help, a beacon of light in your dark hour of appliance despair.  

Samurai Appliance Repair Man cast these pearls at 11:51 ET.  [permalink]

0 comments. Dare ye add yours?

Thursday, August 22, 2002

Live Help Update

Heading over to some friend's house tonight for burgers n' brews.    If I do Live Help at all tonight, it'll be later in the evening. Ciao, baby.

Samurai Appliance Repair Man cast these pearls at 13:12 ET.  [permalink]

0 comments. Dare ye add yours?

Wednesday, August 21, 2002

Boot to the Head

My hiking boots are the Asolo FSN 95 GTX. I bought 'em last summer and it's been a joyous podiatric union: lightweight, highly water resistant yet breathable, and required no break-in period--they fit my feet perfectly right out of the box. After about a year of frequent hiking in the White Mountains, the tread on those puppies has worn almost flat. Since it was such sweet bliss hiking in those boots, it was a no-brainer to buy another pair of the exact same ones. Yesterday, I went for an easy little 6-mile break-in hike up Mt. Ascutney with my new replacement pair and a hotspot on my right heel made me pretty miserable. Paradise lost. I'll keep doing self-abuse hikes in them and hope things improve before the Fixit Boyz Hillstomp in September. Yes, these are the weighty issues that occupy what precious little real estate remains inside the Samurai's skull.

I'm sorry, did you have an appliance question?

Samurai Appliance Repair Man cast these pearls at 10:35 ET.  [permalink]

0 comments. Dare ye add yours?

Tuesday, August 20, 2002

Word Up to Mr. Appliance Franchisees

The Mr. Appliance Fixit Boyz have planned their Third Annual Hillstomp for September 6-9, 2002. This year, it's easy street: we're going hut-to-hut in the White Mountains, traversing the Franconia Ridge. Lots of you guys talked about going with us but it's still just the four: TomScat, Fishnutz, Huh?, and yours so very truly.

Yeah, uh huh, y'all talk a big game but then back out. Well, check this: next year we're backpacking in Alaska. Who's with us? I can't hear you! Ok then, start gettin' your tool-slingin' butts in shape now!

Samurai Appliance Repair Man cast these pearls at 23:18 ET.  [permalink]

0 comments. Dare ye add yours?

Monday, August 19, 2002

Live Help Update

I'll be online for live help after dinner tonight. I would be on earlier but it's just too nice a day to be playing tippety-tap at the keyboard. Yes, today is a time for doing things with cosmic significance...like tossing the frisbee with the dog and teaching my son how to ride a bicycle.

Later for you, baby.

Samurai Appliance Repair Man cast these pearls at 15:08 ET.  [permalink]

0 comments. Dare ye add yours?

Sunday, August 18, 2002

Appliance Tip of the Day: Sooty Burner in Your Gas Oven

If your gas oven burner is giving off black powdery soot, you're flirting with potentially deadly carbon monoxide (CO) poisoning. Sooting is one of the tell-tale clues of incomplete combustion and is always accompanied by high levels of CO. No, Grasshopper, it is not normal for a properly adjusted gas burner to give off soot, not even a little bit.

Sooting is caused by one of three things:

1. range not set up to burn the fuel you're supplying (i.e., natural gas or LP);
2. insufficient primary combustion air, usually corrected by simply opening the air shutter;
3. too much gas -- measure the gas pressure at the orifice using a manometer.

A diagram of how gas burner flames should and should not look is here.

Soot in my oven.
The Wolf rep said all is fine,
at my funeral.

Samurai Appliance Repair Man cast these pearls at 21:32 ET.  [permalink]

0 comments. Dare ye add yours?

Saturday, August 17, 2002

Live Help Update

The drought continues up here in Northern New England and today is another dry scorcher. So, I'm taking the nuclear family unit out for some chill time at the lake.

Live help later this evening, after a cold and bubbly liquid dinner.

Samurai Appliance Repair Man cast these pearls at 14:40 ET.  [permalink]

0 comments. Dare ye add yours?

Friday, August 16, 2002

Appliance Tip of the Day: "How Much is a New One?"

Are those glitzy full-color ads in the Sunday paper making your wallet burn and giving you the itch for a new appliance? Thinking about junking Old Faithful and buying a brand-spanking-new one? Well, hooooold on there, Bubba-louie! Hang on to your wallet and read this first.

Samurai Appliance Repair Man cast these pearls at 21:11 ET.  [permalink]

0 comments. Dare ye add yours?

Thursday, August 15, 2002

Beer Drinking Update

Beer. More than just the sacred nectar of the Samurai, it's also the secret behind my radiant good health.

Cheers!

Samurai Appliance Repair Man cast these pearls at 10:33 ET.  [permalink]

0 comments. Dare ye add yours?

Wednesday, August 14, 2002

Hillstomping Update

Like Moses from Mt. Sinai, I'm back from our three-day hajj to the mountains -- refreshed, renewed, reinvigorated... and with just the right touch of diarrhea. Yea verily, I am born again from the womb of The Mountain, the slightly-bruised fruit of the North Wood's loins. I have seen the Promised Land; someone stole the milk n' honey and left piles of schist everywhere. More visual documentation is here.

The highlight of the trip was bagging Mt. Washington, the highest peak in New England, with my camping bud, Dave Yale, and my semper fi canine hiking bud, Ouzo. We summitted via the Tuckerman Ravine Trail and returned via the Nelson Crag and Old Jackson Road Trails for a total mileage of about 12.9823475987 ± 0.987459. Note: the significant digits in the measurement and error terms are not compatible so please consult a pair of calibrated eyeballs before attempting this route yourself. Have a nice day.

Samurai Appliance Repair Man cast these pearls at 19:35 ET.  [permalink]

0 comments. Dare ye add yours?

Sunday, August 11, 2002

Live Help Update

Today we're hitching up the popup and taking off to the White Mountains for a couple days of camping, hiking, and intense beer drinking. We're meeting up with our camping buds, the Yales from PA, at Moose Brook State Park. We'll be back on Tuesday...maybe. Live help? Ain't gonna be no stinking live help. In the meantime, drop some coinage into the United Samurai Beer Fund, it's good for your soul. Later days, brah.

Samurai Appliance Repair Man cast these pearls at 02:15 ET.  [permalink]

0 comments. Dare ye add yours?

Saturday, August 10, 2002

Cheesedork Alert!

Bad news for you cheesedorks out there (and you know who you are): Charles Cooper, the executive editor of commentary at CNET news.com, excoriates the grubby "Lower Slabovians" who expect free content on the internet. I love this quote: "Content was neither born free, nor was it meant to be that way." Think about that as you're fixing your broken stuff with the help of this website.

The United Samurai Beer Fund®: your ticket out of Lower Slabovia.

Samurai Appliance Repair Man cast these pearls at 21:34 ET.  [permalink]

0 comments. Dare ye add yours?

Appliance Tip of the Day: Appliance Parts Diagrams

Ever tear something apart only to realize, to your horror, that you don't remember how the damn thing goes back together? Or, you get it back together but you have a few extra screws and things left over and for the next few weeks you got this nagging tug at your gut as you wonder where they went...and whether or not it matters. Well, my intrepid grasshoppers, how 'bout we quit flying blind and get a parts breakdown diagram for our appliance before we embark on our repair odyssey? Sure takes out the guesswork. Could even show you what part you need to get it fixed. Sound like a good idea? Ok then, come git you some o' dis.

Samurai Appliance Repair Man cast these pearls at 10:11 ET.  [permalink]

0 comments. Dare ye add yours?

Friday, August 09, 2002

Hillstomping Update

Feast your hillstompin' squinties on these cool pictures from our splendiferous hike up Mt. Chocorua yesterday. Feel the love, yo.

Samurai Appliance Repair Man cast these pearls at 20:17 ET.  [permalink]

0 comments. Dare ye add yours?

Forum Update

Victory is MINE! Those nazis at AA have raised the white flag and are in full retreat with their tails between their pale, skinny legs. Let that be a lesson to anyone foolish enough to threaten the Samurai.

Samurai Appliance Repair Man cast these pearls at 16:03 ET.  [permalink]

0 comments. Dare ye add yours?

Thursday, August 08, 2002

Hillstomping Update

Beautious hike up Mt. Chocorua today! Perfect weather, de minimis bloodsucker activity, and cool, dry air which made for spectacularly crystal-clear 360° views from the summit. The summit of Mt. Chocorua is a rock tower poking up into the sky giving a vantage point for some of the best views in the White Mountains. Would've had pictures to post but the battery in someone's fancy-ass digital camera was dead because he didn't recharge it before the hike. So, we'll have to wait for the pictures to be developed from my low-tech, but ever-faithful, Olympus analog camera--probably tomorrow.

The AMC Guide says Mt. Chocorua is the most-photographed mountain in the Whites. Translation: most heavily trafficked. The place was a beehive with people. And for good reason--you get tremendous views for relatively little effort compared to, say, Mts. Willey or Wildcat D. But Chocorua has a sister peak, Middle Sister, that offers views almost as fine but without the crowds. Ouzo and I split off from the other Hillstompers, who headed on down, and we lingered on Middle Sister awhile, enjoying the views unmolested by the hoard.

Ok, time for another brewski.

Samurai Appliance Repair Man cast these pearls at 23:32 ET.  [permalink]

0 comments. Dare ye add yours?

Wednesday, August 07, 2002

Live Help Update

We're going to hillstomp up Mt. Chocorua tomorrow (Thursday). It's not on The List but it sure is purdy. So I won't be online for live help until later in the evening. Be cool, yo.

Samurai Appliance Repair Man cast these pearls at 23:57 ET.  [permalink]

0 comments. Dare ye add yours?

Beer Drinking Update

I dunno, she looked pretty fine when I was slamming down the suds last night at the brew pub.

Samurai Appliance Repair Man cast these pearls at 13:07 ET.  [permalink]

0 comments. Dare ye add yours?

Featured Forum Guru

Today's featured forum guru is Moostafa Hakkahalah, the Ayatollah of Appliance Repair. Moostafa comes to us from Jalalabad, Afghanistan, where he powers his iMac off a camel dung and lime juice battery that he designed himself. It's exactly that kind of Afghani know-how that makes Moostafa such a valuable guru in the Samurai School of Appliantology. We are indeed fortunate to have a man of his many talents helping out in the forum. You can read more about Moostafa in his profile.

If you need help with an appliance problem, go ahead and post it in the forum. Moostafa is just one of the many fine gurus standing by to lead you to appliance enlightenment.

Samurai Appliance Repair Man cast these pearls at 11:51 ET.  [permalink]

0 comments. Dare ye add yours?

Tuesday, August 06, 2002

NEW! Free Appliance Repair Consultations by Email!

Y'know, we get so many emails every day from folks just like you asking for free appliance repair help that we finally said, "Oh, what the hell, let's do it!"

Here at Fixitnow.com, we continue to set the standard for service excellence by proudly unveiling our revolutionary new program: free appliance repair consultations by email! Oh, and did I already mention that it's free? That's right, Hoss, you get 100% free appliance repair help from bona fide appliance gurus, no strings, no obligations. How can you get your free appliance repair consultation? Easy as pie, comrade, just fill out this short, simple form, and send it to us with one quick click. That's all there is to it, we mean it!

Who says it's the end of free stuff on the internet? Get your free consultation now!

Samurai Appliance Repair Man cast these pearls at 02:37 ET.  [permalink]

0 comments. Dare ye add yours?

Monday, August 05, 2002

Appliance Tip of the Day: Icemaker Water Filters

In-line water filters installed on your icemaker water supply line can remove bad taste and scale from your ice as well as protect the water inlet solenoid valve, saving on annoying and costly repairs later on. But did you know they should be changed every three to six months? Yes, my icy grasshoppers, it is true.

As the filter removes the impurities from your water, it not only becomes saturated with those very impurities, but it is transformed into a veritable metropolis for bacteria. These little creatures multiply and grow to such an enormous extent that they actually begin to clog up the filter with their dead corpses. New little bacteria babies begin living and feasting on the rotting corpses of their fallen parents and cousins, clogging the filter, causing low water pressure, and the resulting hollow ice cubes. At this point in the filter's life, millions of dead and living bacteria, the mixture variously called scum or puss, normally not visible but in extreme cases may cause the ice cubes to appear cloudy, begin sloughing off and traveling with the water to your icemaker. As you use the ice, you ingest these little creatures where they attempt to make their new home deep inside your intestines. The results could range from simply bad tasting ice, to a feeling of a sour stomach, to mild nausea, to violently vomiting up the entire contents of your stomach along with much bile and other slimey secretions.

Most refrigerators today with ice makers or water through the door have water filters built in, which is much more convenient than installing one in the water supply line from your water source. Your refrigerator water filter is most likely located either inside the refrigerator cabinet, near the top or in the grill at the bottom of the unit. Use this handy list to find the filter you need for your fridge:

• PureSource Filter - for Frigidaire refrigerators equipped with PureSource water filtration systems.


• SmartWater Filter - for GE Water by Culligan filtration systems.


• Water Filter Assembly - for Whirlpool models where the filter is inside the refrigerator.


• Ice and Water Filter - for Whirlpool, KitchenAid and Kenmore refrigerators where filter is in the front grill.


• Handi Plumb Filter - for ice makers that were added on to any brand of refrigerator.


• Don't see your filter? No worries--for a complete selection of water filters for every application click here.

Ok, go buy your icemaker water filter now and don't forget to change it at least every six months.

Samurai Appliance Repair Man cast these pearls at 19:31 ET.  [permalink]

Forum Update

Well, it was bound to happen eventually: my obsession with beer has offended militant alcoholics. The Assistant Deputy Vice-Adjunct Executive Director for Alcoholics Anonymous has threatened to shut down my website and forum as well as post my home address and phone number on AA's website unless I remove all references to beer from my website. My bowels are in an uproar and bile is burning the back of my throat. The anxiety has prevented me from sleeping at night or performing my husbandly duties.

Time for another brewski.

Samurai Appliance Repair Man cast these pearls at 10:30 ET.  [permalink]

0 comments. Dare ye add yours?

Saturday, August 03, 2002

Appliance News Update

• July 2002 Appliance Shipments and Forecasts
• Greenlee Textron Has Recalled Electrical Testing Meters
• Efficiency Rules Backed For 2 Home Appliances
• Shopping for Kitchen Appliances
• Getting the Best of Your Power Bill
• Tips and Tricks When Renovating Your Home
• Remington Hairdryer Recall
• Wal-Mart Recalls Red Devil Gas Grills
• Whirlpool Recalls Combination Washer and Gas Dryer Units

Samurai Appliance Repair Man cast these pearls at 23:38 ET.  [permalink]

0 comments. Dare ye add yours?

Live Help Update

Heading to a friend's surprise birthday party tonight. Should be back and available for live help after about 2200 hrs (New Hampster time). In the meantime, this page should prove to be most inspirational for you.

Samurai Appliance Repair Man cast these pearls at 17:56 ET.  [permalink]

0 comments. Dare ye add yours?

Appliance Tip of the Day: Storing Flesh Meats Safely

Ever had food poisoning? You know, sitting on the toilet at 2 am, clenching a gallon-sized bucket in your trembling hands with the sluices wide open at both ends. Yeah, I hate when that happens. How 'bout we learn how to store flesh meats so we don't have to deal with that bit of nastiness again? Ok, my little meat-eating grasshoppers, grab hold of those two large lumps right below your lumbar vertebrae and get ready for another wild romp into appliance enlightenment.

The table below shows you the recommended maximum storage times for various flesh meats in your refrigerator and freezer. Read it, learn it, use it, memorize it--pop quiz in the morning. Bon Appétit!

Flesh Meat: Fresh, Smoked, Processed, Killed, or Run-over	Refrigerator	Freezer
Fresh Cow, Pig, Sheep, or Baby Sheep
Chops, Steak, Roasts	3-5 days	4-9 months
Freshly Ground	1-2 days	3-4 months
Pig Meat
Bacon	7 days	1 month
Ham - Fully Cooked, Whole	7 days	1-2 months
Ham - Half	3-5 days	1-2 months
Ham - Slices	3 days	1-2 months
Hot Dogs
Sealed in Package	2 weeks	1-2 months
After Opening	7 days	1-2 months
Lunch Meats
Sealed in Package	1-2 weeks	1-2 months
After Opening	3-5 days	1-2 months
Sausage
Ground	1-2 days	1-2 months
Smoked Links or Patties	7 days	1-2 months
Chicken or Turkey
Whole	1-2 days	12 months
Pieces	1-2 days	9 months
Ground	1-2 days	3-4 months
Chicken Nuggets or Patties	1-2 days	1-3 months
Human Remains
Limbs	1-2 days	4-9 months
Organs	12 hours	4-9 months
Teeth	2-4 weeks	10-20 years
Road Kill
Squirrels	3-5 days	1-4 months
Deer	1-2 days	2-3 months
Moose	1-2 days	1-2 months

Sources: United States Department of Agriculture; Food Marketing Institute; Cooperative Extension Service, Iowa State University; New Hampshire mountain folk lore.

Samurai Appliance Repair Man cast these pearls at 03:02 ET.  [permalink]

0 comments. Dare ye add yours?

Friday, August 02, 2002

Editorial Note

Something we're most proud of here at Fixitnow.com is how many different groups of people we've managed to offend in our tireless pursuit of cheap laughs. We'd like to take a moment to acknowledge these groups and thank them for being who they are:

• Animal Rights Activists
• Anyone Who Uses Appliances
• Appliance Repair Technicians
• Beer Drinkers
• Cheesedorks
• Elderly People
• Feminists
• Haiku Poets
• Mentally Incompetent People
• Mentally Insane People
• Muslims
• New Agers
• Rednecks
• Wisconsin Residents

If your group is not on this list, don't worry--it just means we haven't gotten to you yet. But rest assured that we are working on it!

Samurai Appliance Repair Man cast these pearls at 09:14 ET.  [permalink]

0 comments. Dare ye add yours?

Thursday, August 01, 2002

Hillstomping Update

Awesome hike up Mt. Moriah yesterday! We feasted on wild blueberries, soaked up the rays and the 360° views on the summit of Mt. Moriah, and threw sticks in the icy water of the Rattle River for the dogs to chase until they started shivering uncontrollably from hypothermia. Check out Tim's pics of this hike. Part of our hike took us on a section of the Appalachian Trail where we met several AT through-hikers. Now, here's an unlikely coincidence: I met up with a guy, Jeff, on the trail who was a fellow student in the milestone life-experience AMC Winter Camping workshop, that I'd taken this past winter. He was out for a few days on a backpacking trip at the same time we were dayhiking and we just happened to cross paths on the same freakin' trail! Now, what are the odds of that happening?

Live Help Update

I'll be online for live help most of the day...except for when I'm too busy doing fun stuff like wiping that brown liquid out of the trash cans or soaking my toothbrush in hydrogen peroxide and staring at all those fizzy bubbles. Should be online most of this evening, though. Feel the love, yo.

Samurai Appliance Repair Man cast these pearls at 13:51 ET.  [permalink]

0 comments. Dare ye add yours?