One of the main features of this site is the whirled-flamous Samurai Appliance Repair Forum. Grasshoppers by the buttload, er, I mean, boatload come to the forum for expert help from Master Appliantologists with their insolent appliances.

Recently, Grasshopper Ed joined the forum and sent me a private message (PM) from within the forum:

I have a sub zero ref model 561 serial number M739803.

Freezer is working fine but the refrigerator set at 10 on the thermostat isn’t cooling teh refrigerator it only get to around 52 degrees and I believe it should get cooler than that? Any suggestions?

Ed

I politely reply and tell him he should post his question in the forum because, afterall, this *is* a forum and that’s how things are done… in a forum. He then emails me:

from Edward Gronske egronske@g****.com
to samurai
date Sat, May 3, 2008 at 6:18 PM
subject RE: New PM from Samurai Appliance Repair Man

If I wanted to do that why would I have sent a private message – how do I go about getting a refund, I didn’t know I had to do this via the common message board.

So, lemme get this straight: he comes to an appliance repair FORUM for help, pays five measly beans for a lifetime forum membership and then cops ‘tude because *GASP* he has to actually post a question in the forum to get help!? It’s not like he would have had to divulge that he wears his mother’s underwear or licks urinals at the Texaco or anything personal and private. I mean, c’mon, it’s appliance repair not True Confessions!

Folks, puh-leaze, don’t be a cheesedork like our dearly departed Ed. If you need appliance repair help, start a new topic in the appropriate forum. PMs are great for questions about how to use the forum, what kinda beer ya drinkin’, how’s your momma an’ them, etc. But the real power of a forum is that others can come along and add to the discussion and/or benefit from it.

Domo!

From: hottip
Subject: When you were offline (via LivePerson)

I want to post a problem with my GE GSS25LGMB CC. Da Refrig side freezes da fud and da Moose Drool. Where do I start. I Have big sledgehammer and chainsaw tools. ready to order da parts now. While sunning wife in tropics, water filter froze and spray lots water in house. House fixed but GE still broke may need wrecking crew soon. Frozen beer to chewey. HELLLLPPPP
_______________________________
The above message was sent when you were offline, via your Timpani site.
Message sent from IP: 24.113.76.230

Whether you’re working on a GE refrigerator, an Asko Oh-NO! dishwasher, or a Scrotilia scrotum scrubber, the procedure for posting a problem in the world-famous Samurai Appliance Repair Forum and getting help from a Master Appliantologist is the same. Sing along with me now…

1) Cut a hole in the box.

2) Put your junk in that box.

Whoops! Sorry, guess I had Christmas on my mind already because I was thinking of that touching video, “A Special Christmas Box.” Alrighty then, let’s try that again.

To get help in the repair forum…

1) Register at the forum.

2) Make a love-offering to the forum.

3) Post your question in the appropriate forum (eg., Kitchen Appliance Forum, Laundry Appliance Forum, etc; don’t even try to start a new topic in the General Appliance Forum because you can’t. Why? Because. )

And then await appliantological wisdom from on high. If you need more verbose instructions, komen zie hither, bitte.

OK, see you on Hollywood Squares!

Need help with an appliance problem? The Samurai Appliance Repair Forum is where you’ll get it. And not just from other appliance repair virgins like yourself. Nay, nay, young Grasshopper, perish the thought! At the Samurai Appliance Repair Forum, you’ll get expert, personalized help from real-life Master Appliantologists. Come, meet some of them. Then join the forum and suckle the pure milk of appliance repair wisdom like a lame calf at your mother’s swollen teat!

And now, for your reading pleasure, another inspirational episode of Tales from the Buttcrack, with your host, Samurai Appliance Repair Man.

Today’s episode is brought to us by “Trying to Help,” one of the Sublime Masters of Appliantology in the Samurai Appliance Repair Forum. “Trying to Help” is a technical manager with the service division of a large, national appliance manufacturer. He describes a recent service call that one of his service techs went on. Let’s listen…

Sent a tech out yesterday on a 8 year old Jenn-Air DD slide in. Call marked COD and tech confirms charges at the door. Complaint is no display, tech has the clock with him and provides the quote prior to installing it. Customer is happy that we have the part and agrees to the charges.

Also wants the DD fan looked at because it has never worked. Tech tries it and sure enough it does not come on. Pulls the front panel off and presto! No DD fan has ever been installed! No vent hole cut either! Tech explains this to consumer and advises if they know the local people they bought it from possibly they could supply the motor.

Tech tries to collect for payment for clock repair and now consumer (husband) tells tech, oh, we have a 10 year warranty parts and labor. Tech shows consumer in use and care that the major controls are covered for 5 years parts only and reminds them that they agreed to the charges not more then 10 minutes ago. Consumer becomes irate and still refuses to pay.

Tech calls me from home with consumer yelling and I advised tech inform consumer that we will remove part and be on our way if that is what they want, this is agreed to and tech removes the part and gets out of Dodge (Augusta actually).

About 30 minutes goes by and I am asked to call the consumer regarding a complaint on the tech. They do not know I was the one he called earlier when I call. They then accuse the tech of stealing the DD fan assembly and the venting!!! Claiming it worked fine before he got there and now the clock has no display as well.

I advised them that the call out there was for clock has no display and that the tech had told me from there kitchen that the units DD system has never worked because there was no motor and no venting was ever even run. I was informed at this point that they will not call us anymore because we were not giving them the quality of service they desired!!

I’m sorry, you jipped us out of our diagnostic charge, wasted an hour of our time and had my tech install a part you had no intention of paying for in the first place. Oh yea, then accusing him of theft!! All for the low onetime reasonable price of … NOTHING! Where else can you get that service these days! Oh yea, had to listen to the mandatory we will tell all our other freeloading friends to not call you again nonsense.

USDA Grade-A Cheesedorks.

Join us again next week for another inspiring episode of Tales from the Buttcrack.