Monthly Archives: July 2004

Say Konichiwa to Kujira

Don’t you hate those impersonal, faceless websites? Even the websites that are out there to help you in some way try to hide behind some impersonal website identity. That sucks! If the internet isn’t about bringing people together tête-à-tête, then it’s simply another way for us to build walls between each other. Well I say, “Mr. Internet, tear down these walls!” And we’re doing ezzacly that here at Samurai Appliance Repair Man.

Just like the name says, this website is run by an appliance repair man: ME (with lots of help and understanding from my lovely wife, uhh, What’s-her-name). And the Samurai makes himself easily accessible to his grasshoppers. I do this through frequent updates to this blog (that’s geek-speak for weblog–this page you’re reading now is a blog), dishing out repair advice in The Appliantology Group, yakking with folks on the Toll-Free Appliance Repair Hotline, and in chat on Yahoo Messenger and Live Person.

Well, now we’ve done one bettah.

Several months ago, I decided we needed a Site Hostess (SiteHo for short) to help establish a personal connection with our visitors. So, I formed an internet-based focus group to test the idea. Unfortunately, I was so busy pulling hair outta the drains, or scraping dirt out from under my fingernails, or something, that I never got a chance to talk to anyone in the group. But I think they concluded that adding a SiteHo would be a great thing to do. And so began the great SiteHo search!

I spent literally minutes scouring all the cyber geisha houses I could find looking for that special lady to greet our valued visitors and let them know about some of the many repair resources available to them here at this colossus of appliance repair help, Samurai Appliance Repair Man. But they were all so damned expensive! Finally, we found Kujira–sweet, cheap Kujira.

Your SiteHo, KujiraYeah, we got Kujira at a fire-sale price because she suffers from a hormonal condition. You see, when she entered puberty, Kujira was afflicted with a rare hormonal imbalance which caused her voice to deepen so much that it sounded like a man’s voice. The condition is called Basso Feminino Exclaima, which is the Latin medical term meaning, “Dayyam! She sounds like a guy!”

With her prospects as an internet geisha girl dimmed by her affliction, Kujira jumped at the opportunity I offered her. So, if you haven’t already, scroll up to the top of page and say konichiwa to our new SiteHo, Kujira. She’d love to talk with you.

Mailbag: Converting an Electric Range Outlet

Ed wrote:

I have a electric range that has a 4 prong plug on it. And the wall
has receptacle has a 3 prong.

I would like to know how would you change one or the other. Change
the plug on the electric range to match the wall receptacle.
Or change the wall receptecle to match the plug on the electric range.

Could you send pictures and details on how I would do this.

My daughter is moving into a house that they bought and previous
owners switched electric ranges.

If you could help please do .

Thank You

Edward A. Itle

The above message was sent when you were offline, via your LivePerson site.

Message sent from IP:

Congratulations! Your range cord is equipped with the new, four-cord pigtail, which is required by the latest National Electrical Code (NEC). Your outlet, however, is out-of-code and should be upgraded to the new four-prong style.

Ok, here’s whatcha do. Feast your Vulcan squinties on this anatomy of your existing three-prong range outlet. If you were to remove the cover of that outlet, you’d see that the outlet box itself was tied to the neutral wire. This is a bozo no-no and is ezzacly what the new four-prong outlets are eliminating ’cause they require that the ground wire be separated from the neutral wire. Here’s the basic anatomy of a typical four-conductor range outlet.

One other thang. Since your existing outlet is out of code, the electrical cable from the circuit breaker box to the outlet will need to be upgraded, too. Your existing cable is probably 6-3W, meaning is has three, #6-gauge wires sheathed inside the cable. You’ll need to upgrade to 6-3W/G which includes a separate grounding conductor.

Still got questions? We got answers in the Appliantology Group. Come see us. Fix y’up. Whatever.

Hillstomping Update, Mts. Webster, Jackson, and Pierce

The Samurai Reproductive Units and Canine Unit on the Summit of Mt. PierceA triple-crown hike with the Samurai reproductive units and his semper fi canine hiking unit today. We hiked up the Webster Cliff Trail to the summit of Mt. Webster, a near-4,000-footer (elev. 3,910 ft.). After sucking up the majestic views of Crawford Notch from Mt. Webster, we continued our trek to Mt. Jackson (4,054 ft.) and then to the AMC Mizpah Hut. The hut was jammed with people and had a really bad sewage funk–not a place to linger! We refilled water and then headed up Mt. Pierce (4,310 ft.). From there we headed down the mountain on Crawford Path back into Crawford Notch. Along the way, we stopped at Gibbs Falls to chill out in an icy, pure mountain stream. So, the Samurai reproductive units bagged two more 4,000-footers: that makes seven for Stephen and Sam, three for Ivey.

Take a moment from your frustrating appliance repair quest to check out all the pictures from this hike and remind yourself what life’s really all about

Mailbag: Replacing a Computer Clock Battery

leroy william skees wrote:

as a part of a deal an old “infinity 2000” computer main
box was thrown in. if the thing has a clock battery i can not quickly
see it. please help me here. looking inside through the open side
after lifting off the cover is the battery in the center some where,
north, south east west, get it? is it hidden under some small plastic
cover or is it not the usual type of clock battery?


qetmbogh lond

The above message was sent when you were offline, via your LivePerson site.

Message sent from IP:

The subject is interpolated into a semiotic subtextual theory that includes sexuality as a totality. Thus, la Tournier implies that we have to choose between Debordist situation and the neodialectic paradigm of context. Bataille uses the term ‘semiotic subtextual theory’ to denote the common ground between language and sexual identity. In a sense, if postcapitalist theory holds, we have to choose between semiotic subtextual theory and deconstructive subcultural theory.

Hope this helps!

P.S. – We’re an appliance repair website; we help people do their laundry, cooking, and stuff like that. As such, I don’t know much about the inner workings of computers, just that I use them to help people fix their broken appliances. Even still, I enjoyed answering your question as it somehow evoked my academic studies in political philosophy. Domo!

Latest News About Moostafa



Appliance Repair Forum Guru Mistakenly Targeted in Afghan Raid

By Kujira Kikuchio

Samurai News Network International Editor

July 18, 2004

Moostafa HakkahallahKABUL, AFGHANISTAN. In an apparent case of mistaken identity, American B-17 bombers obliterated the tent compound of appliance repair forum superstar, Moostafa Hakkahallah in a pre-dawn bombing raid. Moostafa’s humble tent compound, located in the middle of the Afghani desert, was mistaken for a Taliban terrorist training camp and bombed to rubble.

Oops!Moostafa and all four of his wives and 17 children were out foraging for camel cakes in the desert at the time of the bombing and so were spared certain death. However, Moostafa’s entire dwelling was destroyed. Among the more devastating property losses were several head of valuable livestock, including four choice camels and their prize-winning yak stud, all of which were killed in the raid.

Moostafa’s world-famous appliance repair forum has helped literally billions and billions of people all over the world repair their own appliances. Millions of letters of outrage from loyal Moostafa fans have been flooding the super-secret CIA field office in Kabul. The CIA has issued an official statement saying that “We don’t know our anal wells from oil wells, much less friendly targets from hostile ones, so we can’t possibly be held responsible for this screw-up, or anything else for that matter. Uhh…is that thing on? It is? Oh sh*t!”

Prior to the errant raid, Moostafa connected to the internet using an iMac powered by an innovative camel dung and lime juice battery, all of which were destroyed in the raid. Moostafa has reportedly made arrangements with his long-time friend and associate, Samurai Appliance Repair Man, to take over the world-famous appliance repair forum until he can re-establish his homestead and internet connection. Until then, Moostafa will only be able to get online sporadically, typically during his briefings at the CIA’s Kabul field office.

Samurai Appliance Repair Man, who was contacted via his Toll-free Appliance Repair Hotline, stated that, “The entire staff here at Samurai Appliance Repair Man laments this unfortunate event. Moostafa has been a close personal friend of mine for over 40 years and I just thank God that Moostafa and all his wonderful family escaped bodily harm. We are honored to carry on with Moostafa’s excellent work in his appliance repair forum and look forward to his participation as circumstances allow. He can rest assured that his good name will be protected and we will give his forum priority attention. We have, however, taken the liberty of transforming the forum into something more appropriate to our idiom: The Appliantology Group.” Moostafa was unavailable for comment at press time.

Staff writers contributed to this report.


The Appliance Repair Hotline is Now Toll-free!

A couple of weeks ago, I switched over to a new appliance repair hotline system. The original hotline was strictly voicemail. The new hotline has the added feature of calling me directly. If I’m available, we’ll talk right then and there. If I’m not available, you can leave voicemail. And, of course, it’s still absotootly free.

Well, now it’s one bettah–it’s even free-er!

Yes! Now the appliance repair hotline has a toll-free number! Go ahead, try it out. All your other friends are doing it.

Moostafa’s Mecca of Appliance Repair

To All My Dear Grasshoppers and Esteemed Fellow Appliantologists:

Since announcing yesterday that I intended to delete the Appliantology Group repair forum, I have been flooded by hundreds of emails and phone calls from forum participants urging me to reconsider. After much soul-searching and careful deliberation, I have decided that deleting the Appliantology Group forum would be too rash an action. So, the existing content in the forum shall remain there, undeleted, as an eternal electronic monument to the selfless efforts of the many fine Appliantologists who have freely shared so much of their hard-earned wisdom with those Grasshoppers seeking answers to their appliance problems.

However, the Appliantology Group forum, as an interactive method of help, ended at midnight and new topics or replies can no longer be posted.

For several months now, I have been increasingly dissatisfied with the forum capabilities provided by MSN Groups. The most recent complaints galvanized me into finally ending this forum. Let me list some of its more onerous shortcomings:

  • Posts cannot be edited by the original author or anyone else (yes, including me) for content, typos, whatever. Consequently, many posts, including my own, contain an embarrassing number of typos, sentence fragments, incorrect links, and other problems that either place a burden on the readers or, in cases of more grievous errors, require a followup post by the author to address the shortcomings in his original post.
  • There is not a clear and concise way for forum readers to keep track of posts they have or have not read. Consequently, many posts get shoved down the list by newer posts and go unanswered–a frustrating situation for both the Grasshopper seeking information and Appliantologists seeking to provide that information.
  • The forum has no means of searching for threads of interest. The best I could do was try to keep up a Forum Index of momentous threads. But this was a tedious task and soon became unmanageable. And since this is all done in my free time, when a task becomes tedious, I’ll always find something better to do, such as laying on the couch, drinking Bud and watching Gilligan.
  • The forum often has an annoying tendancy to just hang, displaying only the top banner ad and nothing else for several minutes. This again becomes tedious and, once more, I’m back on the couch, drinking Bud and watching Gilligan.
  • In general, the forum lacks many features and functions that are commonly expected in a forum environment: post icons, personal icons, signatures, etc.

I know, the bells do indeed toll for yet another free appliance repair resource that bites the dust yet I … wait, what’s that over there? Could it be? Why, yes! Great Emperor! Ladies and Gentlemen, Grasshoppers and Gurus, Boyz and Beans, er, nevermind that last, let me introduce you to my long-time friend, Moostafa Hakkahallah!

Moostafa, the Ayatollah of Appliance RepairMoostafa runs the finest appliance repair forum this side of Mecca. I approached Moostafa several weeks ago and asked him if he would consider taking over the forum portion of the Appliantology Group. After much negotiations and graft, Moostafa has graciously agreed. Now, lest you go away shaking your head and thinking he’s just another towelhead with a smelly left hand, hoooooold on there, Bubbalouie, and let me introduce you to our dear, dear friend, Moostafa.

Moostafa comes to us from Jalalabad, Afghanistan, where he leads a quiet life in his desert tent with his four wives and 17 children, tending his camels and yaks. When he’s not pleasing one of his wives or running his world-famous appliance repair forum, Moostafa keeps himself busy with various hobbies such as picking through rubble, searching for water, growing his beard, wrapping towels around his head, avoiding eating with his left hand, and praying to Allah that the Ameedicans, er, I mean, Americans will hurry up and build that damn pipeline through his country so he can finally get a job and feed his four wives and 17 children something other than camel leather and semen of yak.

I know, you’re probably wondering how Moostafa can possibly run an appliance repair forum if he lives in a tent in the middle of some God-forsaken desert without even rudimentary sanitary facilities, let alone electricity or internet access. Ahh, this is what makes our dear friend, Moostafa, very special indeed.

Moostafa powers his iMac off a camel dung and lime juice battery that he designed himself and connects to the internet via an old Soviet military satellite uplink system that he acquired while he was a Mujahadeen in his youth. It’s exactly that kind of Afghani know-how that makes Moostafa such a valuable appliance guru. So, come, kick off your sandals and gather ’round the carpet with the Ayatollah and learn how to wage Holy War on your infidel appliances.

Welcome to our new Repair Forum!

Hillstomping Update, Sandwich Dome

Moving' on up the Sandwich Mountain Trail--click for larger view.Took the Samurai reproductive units on a pre-Independence Day Hillstomp up Sandwich Dome today. Our plan was to hike up Mt. Osceola for its generous reward of expansive views for relatively little effort. However, being a glorious, sunny Saturday with perfect temperatures for hiking, that was everyone else’s plan, too. When we got to the Osceola trailhead, cars were spilling out onto Tripoli Road, infested with out-of-state license plates: Connecticut, Massachusetts, and New York, being the three most pernicious. So we had a last minute change of plans and opted for the less celebrated but equally glorious Sandwich Dome. As a bonus, you can read my daughter’s trip report.

Check out all the pictures from this hike.